devotion

an old zine, a new ep

I found some extra copies of a zine I made back in the spring of 2021 while going through some of the “shoving bins” in the closet. The bins are what they sound like. Plastic tubs where I stuffed in things found on the floor, stacked precariously on the bookshelf, between moves and during desperate attempts to tidy. Things I knew were important but didn’t know what to do with.

In some seasons I am a pack rat. In others, a person who desperately does not want to deal with a pack rat’s possessions.

The zine was called “rain temple devotions” and it was half-sized, free form poetry, typewritten in the blank spaces of photocopies of misprints of scanner art I had made about a different dream I had had.

The zine had a loose ethereal theme, goddesses and decaying flowers. It looked a lot like how I picture my life during that time period.

It doesn’t feel like a long time, just four and a half years ago, but it was the beginning of a series of big changes in my life. I think it’s almost funny when I find some of the zines from these months, I made so many while processing grief and imagining the future I wanted for myself.

And they remind me sometimes of how terribly unsurprised I was when I was screened for and diagnosed with DID just a month or two later.

While on the nose, I think some of my favorite writing and art I did around DID was just before I realized I had it, and just after I was told I did. Before it occurred to me to be self-conscious about my inconsistencies. Before I was worried about if people would believe me- and if being too open about it would hinder my ability to medically transition on the timeline I wanted.

I know I mention it every so often, I have never really considered it a secret. No one in my life has been exceptionally surprised to learn that was part of me. But still, I’ve been wanting to find more ways to fully honor who I am in my work.

So, like the zines I used to write, I [plural] put together a short EP about how different parts of me are responding to and dealing with the world around us right now.

I didn’t try to mimic the zine when making the cover art, Jay just has a really consistent aesthetic and all of our work is iterative in its own way.

You can listen to the EP now, released via Hello America Stereo Cassette, and hear what Jay has to say about orgasms and the sanctity of marriage (or whatever), what Paul has to say about the inescapable God and what Vinnie has to say about being an abomination.